DEAR ABBY: My fiancee has been married twice and insists on sustaining contact with 4 prior sexual companions (apart from husbands).
Many of the contact is by Fb, on the spot message and cellphone. One former accomplice is a highschool classmate she sees yearly at class “get-togethers.”
I feel what she’s doing is inappropriate and will definitely be so after we’re married. She insists they’re simply “mates” and I’m being immature and “untrusting.”
She’s adamant that she is unwilling to stop contact with these former sexual companions (now mates) beneath any circumstances.
What’s a man to do?
CROWDED IN FLORIDA
DEAR CROWDED: A “man” both accepts what his fiancee is telling him — that these outdated flames are simply mates now — or he terminates the engagement and begins looking out for a girl he believes he can belief.
DEAR ABBY: Punctuality is essential to me. My husband has many nice qualities, however punctuality shouldn’t be one in all them.
We have now been married 20-plus years and, after many discussions, haven’t been in a position to come to settlement on this. We’re late to church virtually each Sunday and to most events and household occasions.
I feel it’s impolite to maintain folks ready, and it offers me anxiousness. I’ve tried taking separate automobiles however suppose, as a pair, we should always arrive collectively.
It looks like when I attempt to urge him to rush, he purposely slows down.
It has reached the purpose the place we’re indignant at one another by the point we lastly arrive anyplace. Any recommendation?
HARE MARRIED TO TORTOISE
DEAR HARE: Sure. Take the separate automobiles. Nobody cares whether or not you arrive “collectively” or not, until you’ll a cocktail party. And in case your husband will likely be late for that, guarantee your hosts that it isn’t crucial to attend for him to reach.
To the extent you possibly can, attempt fudging the occasion time. However till he suffers the results, his habits won’t change.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I’ve been good mates with one other couple for greater than a decade. The spouse has a degenerative sickness and is now paralyzed and unable to feed herself. We might love to remain shut with them whereas recognizing the issues they face in planning conferences.
Now, at our rare get-togethers, it at all times ends with “we should always get collectively,” however then no plans are realized.
I do know there’s intense strain on the husband between work, care of their teenage little one and well being look after his spouse. How can we tactfully keep in contact, and on the identical time relieve among the strain on the husband?
I’d like to arrange a bimonthly espresso or lunch, however I notice some days, the spouse might not be up for it.
GOOD FRIEND IN MARYLAND
DEAR FRIEND: You’re a good buddy, and a caring one. Each caregiver wants an occasional break so she or he can recharge.
It could be a kindness to name him and provide to be along with his spouse for just a few hours so he can spend a while doing issues for himself that he might have postponed. I can’t promise that he’ll take you up on it, however he might.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.